Chivalry gone

"Hindi ka gentleman, noh?" my gentleman friend said.

I knew the answer to this question.

My friend must have observed a few commuting instances, or maybe more, that led him to his opinion of me. I guess, for my friend, chivalry can best be seen in commuting among other venues and situations. I think he saw me not offering my seat to a female companion while we were on on board a train.

I feel that I don't owe anybody an explanation for my actuations. If you don't like me, then don't!

BUT this certainly got me thinking. Despite my "I-don't-care" attitude, I wanted to be likeable to a certain extent. I never aim to be everybody's favorite although to be liked by at least two people would be more than great! And maybe that gentlemanly trait might just win me at least one 'like.'

Since I want some 'likes' as in Facebook, I shall explain.

For the longest time, I have been commuting alone; actually, I prefer doing it alone. I have been trained for aggression, in so far as commuting is concerned. "Nandyan na!" The sight of a jeep approaching was my cue. My years of commuting experience has made jostling my second-best skill next to sleeping. This is the reality in Manila, whether you take a jeep, a bus, or the train in terminals where queuing does not exist.  Less aggression would leave you 'ride-less.' This mindset has made me forget other things, including companions. All that was in  my mind was to get in no matter what and sit comfortably. This behavior is dangerous, though. I don't recall getting in fights for doing this, but I nearly injured a woman inside a jeep many years ago in Zamboanga. When a nearly-filled jeep halted, I hopped inside it nearly pushing an alighting woman back to her seat. For a brief moment I saw fear in her and for the seven-month baby in her womb. I felt miserable after. That was a lesson learned. Never charge a pregnant woman or anyone for that matter. I have learned to let people get out of the vehicle first before entering. This is a simple commuter rule yet I learned it the most stupid way.

I still have that agility to seize any seat although I have conducted myself in a more acceptable behavior since that pregnant woman incident. Commuting in Manila taught me more desirable things may it be in commuting or about life in general ,and so did my Manila education. I had feminist teachers for my countless literature classes in Manila. They tried to imprint in my mind 'women power.' I think they have successfully did that as I am very far from being a male chauvinist pig --- a pig maybe but never a chauvinist! hehe. The simple tenet of feminism, "men and women are equal" found its way into my long-term memory that is so easy to retrieve anytime. Hence, if women get tired standing on buses, so do men. (Dear ladies, just leave your comments in the comment box. Thank you!)

Lastly, I have to put my dear mother in this conversation. My wonderful mother has made all of her sons feel like they were princes. My dear mother made everything comfortable for her sons and her daughters who were to come much later. Hence, I am accustomed to comfort. Thus, I want to sit  in jeeps or on buses, and, yes, I am selfish. As a result, I am not gentleman.

They say that one's demeanor is a reflection of one's character, and that it is difficult to change especially when it is deeply rooted in one's childhood. This maybe true or maybe half true, but the truth remains that things can still change, and that the word 'effort' is invented for a reason.